“The death of a mother is the first sorrow wept without her”
-Author unknown
Dear Readers,
Once again I have no Monday vase to share with you. Instead only the tragic news that my lovely mother passed away last week. Words are hard for me right now – emotions are running high and my life feels rather empty. It has been a long couple of months as she went in and out of hospital – the recent joy of her return home quickly evaporated as it became clear that her condition was deteriorating rapidly and another trip into hospital was not an option. Her final days were peaceful and she slipped away when it was just the two of us together. As an only child our relationship has always been intense and I am relieved that I was with her at the end.
This has been a glorious autumn but it has slipped past me in a blur of hospital wards, doctors and a new found medical language of conditions, medications and treatments. The ensuing emptiness now that it is all over is hard to bear and as her many friends and relatives contact me to share their grief I keep going to pick up the phone to her to say ‘guess who I have just spoken to’ as I would in the old days – only to realise that she is no longer at the end of the line as she has been all my life.
Life will carry on though and I know that the sun will shine again, although it may never feel quite the same without her. Her funeral is next week and then we will celebrate the festive season quietly, getting used to our smaller family group. After that I will start to pick up the threads of my life again – seed sowing season will be upon me and there will be a new year to welcome in.
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a year and a half ago it was my dad .. my thoughts and sympathies are with you .. life is sometimes too hard xx sending you a hug xx
Thank you Dawn – that hug is much appreciated! xx
Oh Julie, I am so so sorry to learn of the death of your mother. The last months have been tough for you, and I suppose we guessed that your rare blogging appearance was the result of your inevitable preoccupation with something far more important. Having her home but then for such a short time will have been a mixed blessing for you, but for her last moments to be spent there and with you will have been the best outcome that she could have hoped for in the circumstances, I guess. Only you will know just what the loss of someone so close will be like, but I hope there were moments of joy amongst the sadness in her last days and in the days to come when you are sharing memories.with families and friends. My very best wishes go out to you Julie xx
Thank you Cathy. It has been a hard few months and the garden and blogging whilst not forgotten were relegated to the bottom of the pile. Having spent many years living at different ends of the country I count myself lucky that my parents agreed to leave the North to live close to me 8 years ago. I was able to spend a lot of time with them during my fathers illness and since he passed away 4 years ago I have had plenty of lovely happy times with my mother – concerts, shopping trips, holidays – it was just a shame she did not appreciate the joys of gardening and garden visits! She has really only been very ill since mid August, so she was spared a long drawn out demise. This blog was born out of the need to fill a void after my fathers death and I am sure that I will find comfort here again when the hurly burly of the days leading up to the funeral and then Christmas have passed. I am looking forward to making plenty of vases in 2017 and to enjoying this lovely community. xx
Oh Julie I am so, so sorry for your loss…..losing a parent is such a deep loss. I wish you much solace, peace and healing …..
Thank you Donna – your words mean a lot at this emotional time. xx
Julie, I am so very sorry for your loss.
I hope the fact that you were there at the end was some comfort – I know it was for me to be there with my mum.
And how apt, to me, for you to have included a photo of a robin, I have often comforted myself that my mother is reincarnated as a robin. I don’t suppose she really is, but one will often accompany me in the garden and I love to think it’s her watching over me.
Thinking of you.
Thank you Jenny and I am so sorry to hear that you have also had to bear this grief. It is a lovely thought to feel your mother with you in a robin. I always feel close to my father when I am gardening – especially in the greenhouse – we spent many hours there together pricking out, sowing seeds and taking dahlia cuttings. I always feel he is with me when I am doing those tasks. Right now I feel strangely empty about my mother – I cannot sense her yet. Perhaps the grief is too intense right now and I will feel her presence again in the months to come. xx
Julie: I thought perhaps that was happening as you had been absent for so long. I am so sorry. My Mother died four years ago and still…almost every day..I either just think about her, or want to pick up the phone to chat (there is NO ONE in the world who just wants to hear our voice, is there?), or husband and I recall some amusing moment with her. He always made her laugh and that was nice. Anyway, my friend, my thoughts and prayers are with you and I know what a very difficult time you are going through right now. It does get better, but only in time. oxox
Thank you Libby for your understanding and your lovely comforting words. I cannot imagine that there will be a day when I don’t think about her but hopefully the memories will eventually bring joy and not just the raw grief that is there at the moment. Sending love to you & your family. xx
I’m so sorry to read this Julie. I hope you can find some peace and comfort. Sending you my best wishes. Sarah x
Thank you Sarah. xx
So sorry to read the sad news that your mum has died Julie, my thoughts are with you and your family. X
Thank you Sue. xx
I am so sorry to hear your mother has died Julie. How very sad you must feel. I shall be thinking of you over the holiday season, and in the new year I hope your garden can provide you with solace and the opportunity to mourn your dear Mum. All the best. xx
I am so sorry to hear this very sad news, Julie. I will be thinking of you and hoping these dark days will give way to all the happy, wonderful memories you and your Mum will have made together.
Thinking of you – just lost my aunt, the last of her generation.
My mother passed away three years ago in January. Parents may be gone but they are always with you in so many different ways. It is difficult but we must celebrate the life that was.
My thoughts are with you. All you can do is grieve and mourn her loss. In time the pain will ease and you will be able to enjoy your happy memories but that only comes with time. My heart goes out to you.
Dear Julie – I have quietly followed your ingenious blog for years and marveled at how similar our tastes and flower hobbies are. Now I have a new, yet unfortunate reason to feel close to you: my mother in law passed away last week and her funeral is next week as well. My husband did the same hospital ward circuit as you and now I can see and feel just how empty he feels as well. I am sure your mother is so proud of you and all the beauty you’ve brought to the world. Please be gentle with yourself at this time. All the best, always.
So so sorry for your loss Julie. The bond between a mother and daughter is very special. My thoughts are with you and your family.
My heart goes out to you, I pray you will find peace in time. I still miss my parents after 21 and 40 years. The pain does ease and the memories are sweet.
So so sorry for your loss.
I pray you take comfort from your memories and support from loving family and friends.
I am so sorry to hear your sad news Julie; a mother’s death is like no other because they have always been there for us. The pain will relent as you are able to remember more and more of the happy times. You are fortunate to have had her at home with you at the end, I’m sure her passing was easier for her because you were there. My thoughts are with you.
I have to admit I was thinking about you and your lovely blog and photos yesterday and had a feeling that their recent absence may well indicate the sad news that you have just shared!
Am so sorry to hear this and am thinking of you! x
Such sad news Julie. Nothing can prepare you for losing your mother – but with time it does get easier and the happy memories become richer and deeper. I often ‘see’ my dear mum pruning a rose-bush in my front garden – possibly the last bit of gardening she ever did. I certainly get my love of flowers and gardening from her.
Thinking of you, Julie.
Oh what a very sad time, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Sorry for your loss. Life will never be the same again but eventually you will take comfort from your happy memories and be grateful for the time that you did have together.
I am so sorry to hear this, Julie. Losing your mother is hard but I am glad you were able to take care of her and were with her at the end.
So sorry to hear your news on your blog, just wanted to comment and wish you well. My mum died in July and I know exactly what you are going through. Still think about her all the time and like you the hardest thing is not being able to pick up the phone and speak to her and tell her all about my day or something that has happened. Hope the funeral goes well and you can get some solace from your garden in the coming months.
Dear Julie, thanks so much for your lovely comment on my post about the loss of my dad……and I’m so very sad and sorry to read about the loss of your mother…..in seemingly similar circumstances too. It will be very tough for us this Christmas, but although I’m bereft beyond belief and I feel as if my heart has broken, like you I will look forward to picking up the threads of a newly adjusted life in the New Year, albeit with many holes to fill with memories from happy times when dad was still with us. Sending much love and condolences to you and I hope you manage to fill Christmas with memories of her and your father too. Karen
Julie,
I’m so sorry to hear that your mother has passed. Our thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.
Lisa
So sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.
I am very sad to read this Julie and my thoughts are with you ,, more than you’ll ever know ,, lovely ladies both yourself and your Mum ,, peace and tranquility Xx Pauline Baldry Xx Bestest wishes for a happy healthy , New Year Xx